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Birthmother, page 2
Coping with Grief
All birth parents must deal with grief. Many are sad about not
being able to raise or have a relationship with their child. Some
have said that they eventually adjusted to the loss of the child,
but that the pain and grief lasted a very long time. Others have
said that life was never the same after placing the child.
Birth parents' whole lives are affected.
If you are a birth parent whose adoption was arranged
confidentially, you may have many questions. You probably do not
know what became of your child. You don't know if your child's life
with the adoptive family is happy and if the child is loved and
treated well. You may wonder if the adoptive parents ever told the
child he or she was adopted. If so, you may wonder how they spoke
about you. You may question what it would have been like to have
raised your child. Unanswered questions such as these can be very
difficult to deal with.
Most people at some time in their lives experience grief when
they are separated from a loved one. However, in adoption, there are
no standard grieving processes or approved rituals to help birth
parents cope. When a well-liked co-worker accepts a new job in a new
city, there is often a going away party. When a loved one dies,
there may be a religious service, a wake, a funeral, and visits to
the survivors' home by friends and relatives. But birth parents'
grief is distinct from most other types of grief, because it is not
always socially acceptable to talk about what happened.
Resource: National Adoption Information